[RELATIONSHIPS] Nonviolent Communication (NVC) makes for happy and emotionally satisfied couples. It’s one giant step toward relational bliss. But what exactly is NVC, and why does it work so well?
Essentially, NVC is a gentle and empathetic approach to communication. Rather than communication escalating into argument, it allows people to express themselves and listen in ways that decrease defensiveness and disconnection. By centering on observations, feelings, and needs, it opens up a space where people feel heard and truly cared for in a safe and respectful way. It also invites you to slow down and check in with yourself in a way that helps you understand yourself more deeply.
And the beauty of NVC? It works with anyone. Spouses. Children. Co-workers. Friends. Anyone.
Developed in the 1960s by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, NVC was born from his desire to reduce violence and inspire social change. Today, it’s used worldwide - in homes, schools, medicine, international relations, and business. The central idea is simple yet profound: most conflicts arise from unmet needs. When we learn to recognize and address these needs, understanding and peace become possible.
At its heart, the practice comes down to just four components. Learn them, and communication will never feel the same.
- Observation: Objectively describe the situation without judgment or evaluation. (Ex. "I noticed that you've been late the past few days.")
- Feeling: Express emotions triggered by the observation. (Ex. When someone is late, I feel anxious and stressed.")
- Need: Identify the unmet need behind the emotion. (Ex. "Because I would like to complete tasks on time, can we outline some clear expectations and shift our timelines so they are more realistic and so we can work more comfortably and effectively.")
- Request: Make a clear, actionable request to meet the identified need. (Ex. "Can you let me know in advance when you're running late next time, so I can plan ahead accordingly."
Minimize it to:
“When you arrive late, I feel anxious and stressed because it’s important for me to know we’ll finish our tasks on time. Would you be willing to adjust our timelines so we can work more smoothly, and let me know in advance if you’ll be delayed next time? That way I can plan ahead.”
Choosing to use NVC - paired with genuine, empathetic listening - becomes a powerful secret to harmony and long-lasting relationships. Truly beautiful!
Book:Nonviolent Communication: Life Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships
